So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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