My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
