I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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