just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
