K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
