is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize