I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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