I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
