She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
