So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
me + whiskey = a bad person
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
