I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
