That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize