If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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