Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
