you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
