Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
