She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
