every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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