he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
