If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
