Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
we're so committed to being not committed
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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