i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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