I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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