So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize