i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
the condom got lost in my hair
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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