He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
