garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
