Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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