Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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