ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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