In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
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