I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
