i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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