How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
