Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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