You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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