everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
