yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
