You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
we're so committed to being not committed
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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