I am in a vortex of obligation.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
