Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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