This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
