then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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