These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
