i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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