Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I need to calm my uterus...
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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