It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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