i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
