but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
