Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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