Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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