Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
