You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
and she was petting her beer can
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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