U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
