Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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