I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
