His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You need Xanax blowdarts
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
