I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
