If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i just wanna soil my oats bro
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
