he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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