can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
