i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
