i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
