he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
